I hate going to the dentist.

Why you might ask?

Because, at the end of the appointment, they always ask me to make another one six months ahead of time.

How the **** am I supposed to know what I’ll be doing in 6 months?! Or where I’ll be?!

A week in advance. That’s the best I can do.

So as you might guess, I don’t think I’ve ever made it to the dentist without moving my appointment at least once.

Now that I think about it, people who plan must think I’m an enormous pain in the ass.

When people ask me about next week, I usually respond, “Don’t know yet, don’t think I have any”. “Well do you want to hang out next Saturday?” and I respond, “Uh, not sure yet, don’t know what my plans are yet, text me next week.” For some special friends I will book a time slot with them a month in advance. However, I usually (very unintentionally) end up trying to change the date or time or even cancelling last minute, because something has come up. I wonder what must be going through their minds.

Now that I’ve started working four days a week, I noticed that I’ve started planning more than I’d like, and you know what’s funny? Ironic even? I hate not having plans. I love going out and doing things with my friends but for some reason… Deep, deep down… I really don’t want to set anything in stone. It’s like a constant battle.

So I spend some weekends feeling sad, lonely and friendless because I can’t find people to spontaneously do things with. I even occasionally use dating apps to randomly get people to go on spontaneous walks with me. Other weekends turn out great, you know those nights when you have this date that kind of gets out of hand and you end up in a club. It gets weird so you head home at 2 am, just to be texted by your neighbour if you’re still up and then end up hanging around their place until it’s daylight.

I think the planning dilemma somewhere might stem from an intrinsic worry that I’d rather not plan anything and not be disappointed. Have you ever tried to plan a big night out, when suddenly everyone bails? On the other hand, I enjoy chilling at home alone by myself now and then. However, if I’ve made plans I would either have to force myself out the door or spend the night feeling guilty about cancelling my plans. And it’s not like I can do anything about it, nothing is ideal, how am I supposed to accurately predict when I will have those moments before the moment?

Anywho, there’s my dilemma about planning and not planning.